I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
