Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
