Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
