It was confusing and full of hummus
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
