i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
