Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
