also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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