It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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