Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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