So drunk its hurt
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
