Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
