i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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