He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize