I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He better not be in your backpack
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
