dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
