singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
