i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
