I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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