I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
