Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
