Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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