i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
