I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
