Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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