Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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