I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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