I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
