you guys were way drunker than both of me
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
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So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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