false alarm. still invincible.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
