Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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