at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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