My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
