One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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