1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish my penis had an off switch
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
