Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize