You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
