sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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