my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
