I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
