Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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