never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
