He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
