I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
you never un-have a 4some
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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