she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
