So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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