angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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