the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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