After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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