apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
