no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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