I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
