JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
