so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
