you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The air was thick with penises
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
