I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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