I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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