That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
