I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
