In the future we'll all be gay
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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