fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
