I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
