I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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