I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
