Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
