Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize