but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
