capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i out mim tonsoeep
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