I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
