That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
