I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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