I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
