How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
