Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize