idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
