Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
