Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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