I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
