And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
